...The Most Important Influence
Some years ago I fell in love.
With this lovely creature, who turned me inside out and every which way, as I struggled to figure a way to impress her with my qualities, the offerings of who and what I am.
At the time I failed to move her in any way...but away, I had little to offer.
But the experience of getting to know this delightful woman moved me to transform all the plans and ideas I had forged since the beginning of my quest, as it came into being during my 17th year.
Midway through my 17th year a vision came to me of who and what I could be.
The substance of all that has moved me ever since came from this inspired vision.
Not since my visions manifestation have I felt as powerfully touched, as by this otherworldly womans presence, she reached to the core of my being.
All my withered plans and those which had gathered dust....all that I had been obsessed with for years....which carried me onward but with decreasing focus on what was and is at the heart of my vision, the welfare of people, all this was made anew by her exemplary caring, free, and profoundly social personality.
She caused me to change my inclination from an introverted, and secretive makeup in the expression of my quest, to one that is populist, open, and more kind-hearted than the course which was formed from sentiments I had accumulated over the years of delving into the abstracted how-to's of my soulful enterprise....she reminded me of the why's...
Believing I was in this all alone, and would always be...was something which diminished me over time....and I didn't even see it till she made her debut.
It was a lonely and somewhat stoic existence in relation to others for me and became more so with the years.
I forged a kind of modern day urban monkship for myself.....steeped in a maze of mental puzzles ....seeking a way of getting from that first spark to the fullfilment of my inspired quest, never trusting anyone to what I intended to do, cultivating a sense of disconnection from people, that even drew me away from those few close friends I had.
But finding her and realizing I had a soulmate made me see that I have at least one person in this world for whom I must strive to make a better world...and that was what reminded me of what my center was...it is what drew me back to the core of my being, and my souls mission in this world.
Before her I thought no such person could or would ever exist....so it was easy to lose myself in the process of thinking abstractly about plans while drawing further away from people, and avoid doing the tangible things one does to make dreams a reality and living a full life.
Worse yet I strayed from those founding altruistic sentiments, which corrupted my focus and centered my thinking more on the acquisition of power and wealth for its own sake, rather than my core sense of purpose....of being in the service of humanity and in advancing it, uplifiting it, and helping to guide it through the disconnections, conflicts, and misunderstandings that are so everpresent throughout life.
I was to be a guardian of a greater future of humanity.....not yet another obstacle of vanity, greed, and egocentricity...this is where I was heading when the universe intejected her into my life.
She saved me.
Without her singular influence, the ideals expressed in all that we are to do, may not have emerged for many years were it not for her sudden appearance, and whatever form those might have taken, certainly there would be no Seattle Summer Festival or Seattle Commonwealth (the local expression), nor would there be CHI (the global expression) with the engagement of people in our philanthropic enterprises....these were particular to my thoughts aimed at impressing her, and upon her how important she is to me.
Love inspired me to see the best inside myself.
My conceptions of my own being and my purpose would not have been so vastly improved without her. She saved me from my worst self, the part of me that was almost content in my misery of procrastination and avoidance of all things to come, a perpetual sleepwalk.
In this fairy tale it was her kiss that awakened me.....so that dreams could become reality.
This Light of Fire, my Firelight....illuminated my mind and warmed my heart and soul when I needed it most. I am greatful beyond words for having met her and gotten to know her, and perhaps one day I may be able to repay in some gesture all that her company and inspiration did for me.
Her exquisite beauty in heart, body, and soul took possession of me and hasn't let go since, and that has made me a better man.
She wlll always be in my thoughts and in my heart...my loveliest of lovelies.